Flyover Country

With props to Cesar Milan for his excellent post on dealing with a hyperactive dog, I give you:

5 Tips for Calming a Hyperactive Liberal

Hyperactivity is a problem with many possible causes and solutions. Here are some simple techniques you can try at home to work to calm your boisterous liberal:

• Ignore the behavior! Liberals seek attention from you. By paying them that attention during hyperactive outbursts, you’re reinforcing the very behavior that you’re trying to eliminate. The next time your liberal is jumping or nipping at you in an overexcited way, give it a try — no touch, no talk, no eye contact — and see how you fare. You might be surprised how quickly the hippie settles down.
• Give your liberal a job! Having a task to focus on can help tremendously. Hyperactivity can come from psychological needs as easily as it can from physical needs. By giving your liberal a job to do, you are removing him from his state of hyperactivity and redirecting his energy elsewhere. The task should have a clear beginning and end, and should never be considered a replacement for physical exercise. Which brings us to…
• Go for a walk! If your liberal has a lot of built-up energy, a really vigorous walk is another excellent way to redirect it where YOU want it to go. Once you’ve burned that extra energy away, your liberal should be pleasantly exhausted and too tuckered out to jump and nip. Without that frustration, he’ll find it much easier to relax.
• Check your own energy! Your liberal is your mirror. Any energy you project, he will reflect back. Are you in a calm assertive state of mind? Are you projecting a confident energy? Are you stressing out over an argument, or burdened with the worries of the work week? Nervous or anxious moods can translate into nervous or anxious body language or tones of voice, and can affect the energy of your liberal.
• Try out aromatherapy! Don’t forget that liberals experience the world primarily by scent! Just as the smell of lavender is said to relax human beings, a soothing smell can also have a very calming effect on your tree hugger. A stranger’s money usually works well, but try not to overdo it, as he will quickly acquire a sense of entitlement and start taking it from others for himself.

Cesar Milan writes about the “7 Habits of Highly Successful Dog Owners” – but he opens with a really interesting paragraph.

Take a close look at the behavior of any successful pack leader, and you can’t help seeing it mirrored in the behavior of successful people from all walks of life. It’s probably not a coincidence then that as I’ve practiced what I’ve preached to dog owners over the years, I’ve seen improvements in other areas of my life, too. Here are the pack-leading tactics that have helped me most— not just with my dogs but as a husband, a father, and a man. (emphasis mine)

That last part – especially the last three words “…and a man” – struck me.  It shouldn’t have, but quality male role models who understand that they have a unique role to fill in the lives of their families and communities is rare.  At least, this kind of expression of recognizing that manhood has a value in society is rare.  It shouldn’t be.

The 7 Habits of Highly Successful Dog Owners

Saw this in the Kroger parking lot today, in the window of a Jeep.  It made me think that if more of us had this kind of attitude, I think we’d have much less debt in this country, and we’d be much less willing to put up with politicians who are spending us into oblivion.

Open ended, high-interest loans on things we really can’t afford used to be a source of shame.  In our grandparents’ day, if you couldn’t pay for it, you didn’t buy it.  Simple.

I personally take much more pride in the fact that my car is paid off than what kind of car it is.  I like to think my grandparents would be proud.

Nixa turned 7 this past weekend.  It has been a great 7 years.  We’ve moved 4 times, including a 6 month stint in South Florida, where she spent much of her time herding anything that moved – cats, foxes, raccoons, giant lizards, a turtle (had to give her props for perseverance), and even a kid who was being obnoxious.  We’ve been to the vet more times than I can count, including a few trips to for emergency care in the middle of the night.  We took puppy classes at the vet’s office we still go it, and I think it made a big difference not only in terms of starting her off right with basic obedience and socialization, but being comfortable with the vet’s office itself.  She loves going there, even if we’re just going over to pick up food or say hi to the staff.  Occasionally someone will come out and greet her that I don’t even recognize.  She has made a great, positive impression on the people she’s come in contact with.

She is a rescue dog.  A local pet store hosted one of the county humane societies adoption events, and I was looking to get a dog.  I knew I didn’t want to buy one from a store, so adopting sounded like a good option.  She was in a pen with about 5 or 6 other puppies from the same litter.  All of the dogs except her were climbing over each other, playing and wrestling in a multi-colored furball.  Nixa was off by herself on the other side of the pen, looking kind of bored, and even at only 6 weeks old, just the tiniest bit irritated with the commotion.  I knew she was my dog, and that we were going to get along great.

She turned out to be an incredibly loyal and easy to train puppy.  Some dogs really couldn’t care less, and will take any attention they can get.  Nixa craves positive attention, and really takes negative attention personally.  She tends to pick things up quickly, even things I don’t realize she’s learning.

In 7 years, I’ve only ever seen her get angry 3 times.  Once at a puppy who wandered in to the exam room while we were waiting during one of the late night dog ER visits.  She was in rough shape that night.  She just growled at him, but it was enough.  The obnoxious kid who was harassing her was another time.  She was running around him in circles, barking – basically being a shepherd, but the barking+teeth meant she wasn’t fooling around.  The instant I called, she came right over to me.  Most recently it was a guy from the neighborhood who she didn’t know that walked up to the sliding glass door – and she didn’t know where I was (I happened to be just out of sight from inside the door).  Funny that I could absolutely and immediately hear the change in her bark from ‘warning’ to ‘I don’t know where dad is / I don’t know who you are / Don’t think about coming in my house’ – the neighbor didn’t hear it.  Cat people never do.

She knows when we play outside that she can’t leave toys in the yard so she almost always brings it back inside with her without being told, and always knows what it means when reminded to go bring it back inside.  She usually greets me at the door when I get home from work with one of them.  If not, I’ll sometimes find that she has piled the toys in one place.

Over the years, she has occasionally eaten ends off cables, napkins, and CDs.  One time she even ate my homework. No really.  She’s smart though.  I once had two doughnut holes on the coffee table.  I came around the corner to find her enjoying one of them.  I took it away from her, told her ‘no’ and went to throw it away.  When I came back, the other one was totally gone.  She learned her lesson – eat it faster.

Next: water, agility classes, and a shady character.